Digital Brain - Novellette

A big thanks to Cristiano, who upon reading the first draft of the first two chapters told me something along the lines of: "Interesting, but I think the kind of story you're telling would be more suitable for a first person narrative." And the second he said that to me, I realized he was completely right, and I just never thought it out straight! Fast forward a few weeks, I rewrote the first two parts (editing some parts heavily), and came to the finish. Also a big thanks to everyone who took their time and read what I wrote! It's arrogant to think one can do everything by himself, and I'm really glad for all the support and feedback I got, and hope to receive some more in the future. Thanks a lot to all the past and future readers!

Part I

A year gone by again, and I’m still not closer to understanding myself. I’m feeling like living a never-ending cycle. Promise myself for a change, and that change never comes. No matter how hard I try, I don’t seem to be getting anywhere. I’ve been having such thoughts for years, always in the back of my head, like a lurking predator in the darkness, awaiting for my weak spot, for an uncertainty, to break free again. Thoughts as this are a spiral leading to a depressing vortex of complete unproductivity that engulfs me whole and renders me completely useless. But I have a feeling I can do it this time. But how exactly can I escape the madness this time around? Oh that’s right! Not even 24 hours have passed and I have already forgot it. The chip implant I got in my brain. A new technology, which I was scared about, while some other people fully embraced it as a life-saving device. It’s nothing more than a simple electrical circuit, attached to the back of my brain, with the goal to collect electric impulses which neurons use to communicate. Why was I so reluctant against it in the first place? I’d like to upload the current mind state.

Using the wireless transmission integrated in the chip, my mood shifted, as the thoughts were cleared away and stored digitally. All of a sudden I felt carefree and relaxed. Same as if all the problems from before were viruses infecting my head, and were brutally murdered by the superior form of intelligence - my brain. But it also felt weird and out of place. I am at a loss of words as how to describe the remaining feeling. I suddenly realized that I should rather check if my previous thoughts, which I don’t remember, were saved correctly! I don’t want to be losing any of it in case I ever have a great idea that I want to store for future use! I put my hands before me clenched in fists. As I opened them, the liquid crystals on the table, that just a second ago were only a puddle forming various asymmetrical shapes, started to compose into a more organized manner. In what I assume were mere seconds, a 30 inch display was staring me across the table, with the crystals changing the color accordingly. I slowly turned my wrist, which was followed with the changing of color of the screen borders from a pitch black to a vivid blue. Better, I thought.

Before I could do anything else, a familiar voice met my ears: ”Welcome back, Commander Dren” and I couldn’t help myself but smile. It was a greeting used in a strategy game, of an age gone by. I never played it, but the greeting went viral in some online spoof videos and I liked it so much, to have it on my tablet as well. The archaic name "tablets" still stuck for some reason, as it was the most frequent use of the crystals. But actually they could form almost any regular shape, and be used as any kind of screen - TV, tablet, phone, ... Shoving the memories aside, I started to think what exactly I wanted to do, almost forgetting I had to unlock the thing via voice recognition. Amidst my confusion I said something like ”Blaaargh”, but apparently it was a good word, as the login screen faded to the main menu from where everything stored inside the digital machine could be accessed. I shoved my right hand in dismissal and upraised my left to the eye level. In accordance with my hands movements, the icons on the screen changed places and forms and suddenly I could see a notification stating there’s a new file in the ”fuck you brain” folder. I admit, a pretty stupid name for a folder, but I still think I named it aptly, due to all the frustrations my brain is causing me and in the hopes that this little chip will in fact trick my brain. There was a file labelled ”thoughts_1” and pulling my right hand towards me, a notification window popped up:

Summary - T1
Thoughts name - Vicious Cycle
Open? Yes. No.

What the hell is this? I have no idea what Vicious Cycle is, and yet, it must be some thoughts I had before I decided to store them! But of course, there’s no other way to know for sure than to open it. What happens if I press yes? As I put a thumb up, the machine interpreting it as a confirmation, the result was both interesting and mesmerizing all at once. I could see text on screen and the same voice from the greeting reading it out loud to me. But I couldn’t properly concentrate on either, as there was a video playing in the background which completely caught my attention. There were a set of two bizarre transparent black circular tubes forming inside one another and growing out, like inflatable baloons. The inner tube grew larger and larger, until it engulfed the one on the outside and grew to such dimensions it seemed it will pop. Ultimately though, it resisted the breaking point and simply started deflating, while the tube inside of it started growing again. In this way, an infinite loop was formed with the two tubes constantly changing roles.

And then it hit me. I felt the realization almost like a tidal wave throwing me against a wall. I remembered everything! The words and video made complete sense, and I could feel that I regained some lost knowledge. The chip works! But with the memories of living a never-ending cycle, the depressing mood crept over me once again. I started imagining myself inside one of those circular tubes, with no way out. I tried punching and kicking, but the tube only stretched out and then returned to its original position. And I knew I couldn’t break it. I could only deflate it and during that time, there was another tube, which I could see growing near me bigger and bigger. I tried to avoid it, but I was limited in my movements by the one tube growing smaller. Still, there was a glimpse of hope, maybe I could escape the loop this time. Nope. The tubes exchanged positions, and I was still inside one or the other. No hope of ever getting out. Unless, uploading the current mind state of course.

I sat back for a while, feeling my heart slowing down. At which point did it start to beat crazily? I felt so relaxed and carefree and willing to get over any and every challenge the life presented me. Is this what people performing meditation experience? I tried to convince myself of the thoughts I just had, by starting to focus on my breathing, inhaling and exhaling, as I closed my eyes. But I’m not a patient man, so my mind started racing once again, thinking of all the different situations where I could test the possibilities my head implant offered me. I won’t have to escape the reality anymore by running to games, alcohol or drugs when I feel drained out. I can simply clear away the distractions! On that note, I really should study for the upcoming exams. Let’s put this chip to use, and I uploaded the thoughts, so I can focus better. Having a clear goal - and head - my determination and motivation reaching peaks that I never think were possible, I started searching the folders on the tablet to find the exam material. Opening up a few notes and video-summary of the lectures, I started to dwell into the course material. Every time a distraction fleeted through my head, I readily uploaded the thoughts and continued with the studies. Time went by, and I didn’t even realize that 5 hours passed. When I looked at the time on screen, it was 7 pm and I was sure there had to be something wrong. Checking my watch I realized that indeed I have set my personal record in studying practices, by far superior to what I could have done without the chip. Even more so, I remembered that in the past few weeks I wanted to study badly, but there wasn’t a single day I have managed to focus my thoughts on the studies for more than 2 hours, in the 18 hours of daytime I spent awake. Really incredible! Then I started thinking that it wasn’t really that hard to focus on the studying and that I only had some mental barriers, which could have been easily overcome. In fact, I didn’t even have to use the upload feature that many times. As a matter of fact, I think I only did it about 3 or 4 times. With little practice, I could have gone without! Curiosity invited me to check the tablet to make sure. I raised my left hand to the eye level once again, and there were 169 new notifications. ”WHAT?” I couldn’t restrain my surprise, as I shouted to the empty room. The surprised exclamation reverberated in my head for some time, like a tennis ball thrown in a room, hitting different surfaces and bouncing left and right, only to be picked up and thrown again. No, no, no. Something’s off, I can feel it. It’s not possible that I didn’t realize how often I saved my thoughts. Or is it? Maybe the notifications were counted multiple times, maybe the system broke? Or what if my thoughts were so complex that the program broke them down to various entries?

But the more I was thinking about it, the more unreasonable these explanations seemed to me. I’m panicking, why don’t I simply check it out? Uploading my thoughts once more, the number went up to 170. This automatically made me think that if I was studying for 300 minutes, that meant that once about every 2 minutes, my thoughts got carried away and I had to upload them! This is insane. I couldn’t possibly get distracted that easily. Still, my hands were already up in the air, performing a few quick gestures and opening the folder containing the thoughts. I clenched my fist and successively opened it violently, which displayed the names of the files stored. And a long list followed:

Vicious cycle - T1
Fear of being trapped - T2
Escaping reality - T3Annoying studies - T4
Alternative career paths - T5
Annoying lectures - T6
Bad notes-taking - T7
Movies to watch - T8
Vacation plans - T9
...

I quickly scanned the list, recognizing some recurring thoughts and words that I frequently thought about when boredom or anxiety took over. The most frequent of them was thinking of all the options I had left, had I failed the exam. There were some simple ones, such as studying for another exam, or retrying the same one. Perhaps asking some classmates for notes, or organizing in a better way the notes I had written. On the other extreme, there were some impossible, yet somehow reassuring thoughts, which filled me up with hopes in knowing not all the life finished if I failed this particular exam. They ranged from switching to another course, taking the rest of the year off in order to get some much needed vacations and retrying next year, up to the most exotic ones such as living as a hermit on an island. Upon re-examination I realized that the system was working flawlessly. The sad truth which I gradually started to accept was that I’m simply incapable of focusing on the task at hand for longer periods on time. My mind went in a defensive mode straight away, thinking that is wasn’t just me who was ”weird”. In fact, 10 years ago the distractions became so frequent in the modern world, that they were recognized as a global disease even, with medics prescribing pills which shut out many brain processes. One pill before going to work and one for the night. Putting it very bluntly, the pills made you dumber, less responsive to all the distractions. Nevertheless, leaving the ethics of the pills aside, the remedy worked only for people who lived a standard routine, with jobs that didn’t require much out-of-the-box thinking. In academia, this couldn’t possibly be adopted. But I did manage to come to the university, and are treading fairly well, despite all. How is it possible that I get distracted so easily, and not even notice it? I felt kind of insulted for some reason. Just couldn't admit the plain simple truth at the hand. Then I realized it didn’t matter anymore. With the brain implant, I could finally get rid of all of all unnecessary thoughts, no matter how many. I had just managed to focus on the studies for such a big time after all. What other distractions is my life full of, which I could finally get rid of?

Part II

I sat for a while, with the tablet-screen silently awaiting further notice. I almost thought of something, before the ringing sound woke me up from my daydreaming. I pulled my smartphone - which was nothing else but a smaller version of the screen before me - out of my right pocket ”... Yeah?” ”Hey man, me and the gang are meeting for a beer, same time same place, you know the drill. Care to join us?” ”Do you even have to ask? Of course I'm in, I desperately need it after the studies!” I heard a chuckle from the other side of the line ”Great, see ya in a bit.” As soon as the conversation ended I realized I replied with my standard response, when someone caught me off guard. Always say yes to whatever the friends suggest. Have to be sociable, right? But did I really want to go to a noisy place tonight? Ah, screw this thinking. Upload.

Fifteen minutes later, I was already waiting at the meeting point, a pub named after its owner, Cal. Pubs were one of the last remaining legacies of the older generations. They still retained their charm, as a testament to time itself. There was something about talking to friends over a glass of cold beer, taking the time away from anything else. Upon entering the Cal’s pub I felt a welcoming and warm atmosphere all around. The smell of beer filled my nostrils, the laughter of people reaching my ears over the music playing in the background. Oh yes, I made the right call for the evening. As per usual, I was the first to arrive, so I looked at the display above the counter to see which tables had enough space to sit for four people. A short glance made me realize that this would be no problem at all. Logically enough, as it was very early in the evening, and atop of that in the middle of the week. So I went to our usual table and sat upon one of the welcoming cushioned chairs. Soon enough, the smooth surface of the table reacted to my presence and lit up. A welcoming screen appeared, showing a variety of different options. I touched the screen lightly a few times. Nothing happened. I’m so naive, thinking that they upgraded the antiquated software. Pressing harder, the old and glitchy surface reacted and I automatically selected the section dedicated to the various beers. Multiple options followed on-screen, but I couldn’t care about anything else than ”lager” and ”white beer”. I am so used to this place, probably even more so than my home. Should I be worried? I laughed at my thoughts. Not a chance.

Despite the slow responsiveness of the table-screen, I got completely invested with it and lost track of time once again, by looking at the different beers imported from various countries - politically speaking, various sub-territories of the great European Union. For the second time in less than an hour, I was pulled back to the reality by the sound of Blair’s words, repeating his greeting from over the phone: ”Hey man!” and a welcoming hand saluting awkwardly. ”Hi Blair! Wow, to be honest I wasn’t expecting you so soon. So this is how you’re abusing the chip?” He smoothly responded with a tone of sarcasm and auto-irony in his voice ”Ha-ha, very funny, I’m never late! Using the chip to put distracting thoughts aside has nothing to do with it.” But he soon added, with a cheerful tone: ”Well, actually yes. I uploaded about every single thought that got in my way, so I’m not even sure if I wanted to do something else before joining you.” Realizing this sounded a bit awkward he continued without leaving me the time to interrupt: ”Anyway, you have to admit I’m never as late as Dana and Norm.” This made me laugh hard: ”Yea, I have to give you that one. Do you want to bet on how many beers can we down before they honor us with their presence?” ”How about we just find out?” and with that the conversation momentarily ended and we both sat in silence, while fumbling with the table-screen, making it seem as we were deciding our drinks. In all honesty, there was no doubt to begin with, and we both chose our order, looked at each other and started laughing. Blair was the first to state the obvious in a merry voice: ”Yeah, in here nothing beats the good ol’ Cal’s lager.” I didn’t want to just plainly agree, so I jokingly asked him: ”Were you reciting this line since the last time? How much are they paying you to advertise them?” The laughter continued and we sat there for a while longer, awaiting the waitress. It was as if the conversation couldn’t get on the way before we got our drinks.

Luckily we didn't have to wait long, and even before I could see her, I heard a surprised and somewhat amused Blair saying: ”Oh, so this place ha some sexy waitresses too?” I immediately tried to find the source of his musings, and identified a tall brunette with a nice ass. It was hard to miss really, since she made sure her behind was emphasized non the least by the skinny-fitting jeans she was wearing. Atop of that she had a generous bosom to boost with - at least judging from what I could see from over the Cal’s obligatory Shirt-wear. The golden letters saying ”Cal’s - where there’s beer, there’s no fear”, printed across the chest over the black color of the shirt and a logo on the side, showing an angry woman screaming at her husband, who is calmly ignoring her and drinking his bear. A stereotyped joke which was allowed, because it didn’t hold true anymore, as the government found out that dysfunctional relationships were destroying the work output, and were therefore immediately eradicated by sending the couple in question to the psychiatrist. Upload. The waitress, caught off guard by the Blair’s comment was rather bemused and responded: ”Oh. Gee, thanks I guess. Here’s your beer.” as she placed the glasses on the table. ”Thanks” we responded in unison, and awaited her leave, not wanting to discomfort her any further.

This time I was the one to break the silence ”So she’s not only a new face in here, but a newbie to the whole waitress business as well.” ”Seems so,” confirmed Blair, still hoping to get another look at her butt, even though she was already beyond his eyesight. ”Anyway, cheers!” I had to forcefully pull him out of his daydreaming, and he was more than happy to take his glass in the hand and respond with a ”Cheers!” of his own, over the sound of the glasses meeting. A refreshing cold taste filled my mouth, successively spreading downwards to my stomach ”Aah, the first sip of the beer is always...” Blair jumped in ”Magnificent!”. I thought for a moment and asked him with a smirk on my face: ”Are you talking about the beer or are you still thinking about that waitress?” Blair erupted with laughter: ”Good one. I was actually thinking of flirting with her next time she comes around.” I put my serious face on and scowled him a bit ”No please don’t. I’d like to see her again, and you’ll scare her off.” Blair took this opportunity to turn the conversation to a different subject: ”Well, once it might have been so. But don’t you think she has a brain implant, like we do, and will be able to just upload her thoughts and forget the unpleasant experience?” He got my interest: ”Is it even possible to do such a thing? I mean, uploading the thoughts is one thing, but you’re talking about completely forgetting the learned experiences.” Blair took a sip of beer and his expression grew more thoughtful and weary: ”Huh. Haven’t thought that much about it. But I guess, why not? I mean, if you just experienced something, and are quick enough to take it away from your brain? Couldn’t that work?” That gave me an idea. A stupid one, but worth trying out. ”Are you up for an experiment?” ”Sure! Fire away!” ”Well, you know how much you hate the tap-out game?” He looked demoralized, and after a pause asked ”Yeah?” ”Ok. So here’s the thing. Let’s play a round of it, without the drinking element. Just the game plain and simple, me versus you. You’ll get angry after I beat you and won’t want to play another game even if your life depended on it. Well, what if you at that point upload your thoughts?” Blair grew angry: ”Wait, no! That way you can force me to play it forever, with me always forgetting the previous loses!” I stared at him for a moment, not realizing what he meant at first. Then I smiled: ”I didn’t event think of that possibility! Now that you mention it, I might actually use it!” and before he could argue I added: ”No, I’m just messing with you. I would only like to see if you can actually remove the negative experience by uploading the thoughts. It’s the best situation I can currently think of to test our hypothesis. I know how frustrated you get after a play and that would really tell us something about the possible uses of this technological wonder. And, as a good friend, I wouldn’t want you to suffer multiple times. Just this once, I promise.” I made sure to accentuate the words good friend, just to provoke him a bit. Blair sighed, taking another, longer sip of beer, and after placing his hands on the table said ”Well, what are you waiting for?” I couldn’t hide my excitement: ”Ha! I knew you’d be in! You’re awesome!”

The game was quite simple. On the table screen, you had to select a song and then follow the rhythm that was displayed, with the tapping of your left and right hands. If your tapping was on time, you scored points, otherwise you got a penalty. It was a game that we all used to play when we first discovered the pub. It was a great excuse to start a drinking game back then - for each penalty you got you had to drink. So basically, whoever was the worst, had to drink the most, same as all drinking games go. But of course after a few rounds everyone joined in, and started drinking for whatever excuse they could find, missing taps on purpose and so on. Time to upload the thoughts and focus on the game.

As anticipated, I outplayed Blair quite easily, with him having no sense for rhythm whatsoever. And indeed, he got really angry, progressively pressing the table harder and harder. At the end, he shouted an angry ”ARGHIHATETHISSTUPIDGAME!” and I simply said: ”Just upload your thoughts Blair.” I didn’t even try to hide the smile on my face, or the excitement in my voice. And just like that, he collected himself and his expression changed completely. I was watching his face carefully, trying to detect any glimpse of the anger from before. Nothing. Blair broke my awkward stare: ”Uhh, why are you looking at me like that for?” And I explained. He reflected on my words for a moment and said: ”I don’t remember any of it. But to be fair, I did feel something was off. Like a gut feeling. Like I suppressed something, but still paying the consequences. I felt both relaxed and...” ”Heeya guys! sorry for being late! Again. OH, damn it, we're so so so, sorry”. Norm and Dana arrived, and we haven’t even noticed them. With my thoughts elsewhere I didn’t even hear who of them said which part. I tried to concentrate really hard, hoping I’ll remember to check my thoughts later, and, upload.
”Oh, look who arrived. What’s wrong?” Blair said with the most concerned voice he could muster. The pair seemed confused and at a loss of words. A preoccupied Dana asked: ”What do you mean? What’s wrong? We’re actually quite fine..” at that Blair couldn’t resist anymore and interrupted her with a devilish: ”Well yeah, you’re way too early, we only just finished our first beer! Had we tried to bet, we’d have lost quite some money!” Oh, so I joked before to you about your lateness, and now you’re trying the same with them? Though it did make me smile. Norm relaxed almost instantly and laughed it off: ”Well, actually, that’s only because we didn’t try hard enough,” and at the mention of the hardness, immediately had to add: ”You know, for once we wanted to put our friends before the sex.” Oh yes, you smug bastard, keep rubbing it into our faces, because you know you’re the only one getting any at the moment. Dana jerked a little, and knowing full well the situation simply added: ”Yes indeed, Norm here was having a lot of fun with his right hand, closed off in his room, weren’t you, darling?” Oh Dana, I love you for saying that! And with her having leveled the playing field I just had to weigh in with: ”Now that you mention it, Norm does seem to have gained some muscle-weight on his right hand arm!” with that we laughed it off, with me and Blair feeling more at ease.

Once the pair was seated and all four of us ordered another round of Cal’s lagers, the conversation picked up immediately by Norm excitedly interrogating me: ”So, Dren, how did it go with the brain implant? Any problems? What have you used it with so far?” I thought for a moment. Good question. What if I don’t remember the important parts? What if they’re saved on the tablet? Upload. ”Err, sorry, you were asking? I was a bit absent-minded I think” was my confused response. ”Ah,” said Norm with an all-knowing voice: ”I see you’re putting the chip to use. Well, start at the beginning. How was the procedure?” And they all remained in silence, politely listening to every word I had to say, while casually taking a sip or two of the beer. I told them how I was scared - though they knew that already. I told them that I had luck at the hospital. The line wasn’t long and the doctors were nice and understanding. They didn’t judge me for my fears, said it was common with a lot of people and that there's absolutely nothing to be afraid of. They said that they themselves have been using the same technology for some time and even showed me the scar on the back of their heads to prove that it’s hardly anything. Even more so, they said I won’t even realize what happened. And in fact, my memories of the time were quite blurry. I remembered they put a helm on my head, which was measuring my brain activity. The doctors told me my brain was perfectly healthy and started asking me all sorts of personal questions. As soon as I was distracted - plop - and the brain implant was in its place. Later I was told the helm had a gun-like mechanism, which shot the chip right through the back of the head and into position. The distance it needed to travel was calculated in real time by measuring the position of the brain. All with the helm! They also explained to me that the patient should not be aware of the exact time when he’s going to receive the implant, because the brain might then attempt to resist it. With me it was flawless they said. They also told me I should forget about the chip altogether - that it’s the only way for the chip to be integrated completely. And so I did, for almost a whole day.

Dana grew impatient and with piqued interest in her voice asked: ”So, tell us now what did you do once you realized you had the brain implant in your head!” I smiled, being fairly confident in what I was going to say next: ”I put it to extremely good use! I managed to study for five hours straight!! And you know how I usually am about this!” I was expecting a praise, or at least an approving nod. Anything but the response I got. All three of them started laughing almost in unison, with the most sincere laugh I heard all the evening. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing and hearing, and angrily added: ”What are you laughing about? Didn’t I use up the chip well, knowing how lazy I am usually?? I’d deserve a freaking medal, not mockery!” They stopped almost abruptly, looking at each other and Dana trying to fix the situation once again: ”I think you got our reaction all wrong. What you did is great, sure. Congratulations, whatever. But it’s not the first thing that we would have thought you’d do with the new chip.” Now I was completely lost and gave a really confused ”Huh?”. Norm weighed in, with Blair nodding a few times to confirm his words: ”Well, you were always the smart guy in our group. You were good at your studies even before. So studying should be on my, or Blair’s list.” At that he smiled kinkily, and looked at his girlfriend ”But it wasn’t, despite Dana’s greatest efforts.” Blair picked up: ”What Norm’s trying to say, before getting all warmed-up about his better half, is that we were betting that you’d do something wild and inventive! We all wanted for you to get the chip and couldn’t wait to see what you could do with it! So studying just seems kind of. Well, mundane.” At that they all grew silent. I’m such an idiot. Damn it, they were right of course. Studying could come later, with or without the chip. Why didn’t I at least look up on the internet for some interesting uses? Or think of something myself? Damn it, I’m so angry now! My head started to burn with the self-hating thoughts. I forced myself to give what I think was the most bitter smile ever, as if I had just taken a bite of a particularly sour lemon: ”You got me this time. You’re completely right. In fact, thanks a lot for opening my eyes. I’ll upload my thoughts right now. Can you please remind me later to check them?” To which Norm changed the expression on his face: ”But you know you can check them immediately, right?” ”Sorry, check what?” I was lost again. Norm happily repeated and explained: ”Well, simply take your smartphone out and look at it while you think of the upload. That way, as soon as the thoughts get stored, you’ll see the number and remember which thoughts are important to check! So now, check the number of the thoughts you just uploaded - trust me, your last thoughts are important, you said so yourself.” Without further ado, I produced the smartphone out of the pocket, and looked at the number of last upload - 175. The rest of the evening was quite uneventful, as I couldn’t wait to get home and find out what was so special about the thoughts number 175.

Part III

Arriving home I carelessly tossed my coat on the bed, rapidly turning to face the puddle on the desk, clenching and opening the fists. I didn’t even let the ”Welcome ba..” finish as I interrupted with ”Yeah yeah, login already!”. I found out there were 180 thoughts in total now. This confirmed me that alcohol and good company made me more comfortable of my line of thoughts and I didn’t space off. It was already past midnight and the three beers I drank didn’t quite help towards combating the exhaustion. But still, number 175. As I was thinking I shifted my hands in accordance with the commands needed for the laptop to produce on the screen:

Summary - T175
Thoughts name - Where did Imagination go?
Open? Yes. No.

Hmm. Interesting, what's that? I shifted my head from side to side, feeling it heavy from the alcohol. Well sure, now’s as good as moment as any! Thumbs up. The message disappeared and the screen was covered with text about how my friends were disappointed in knowing I didn’t find an interesting use for the chip. And how upon realizing that, I was angry at myself. In the background, I saw a stylized person take some books in his hand, open them up, shifting through some pages and then throwing them away. The books all took flight by flapping their covers. What happened afterwards was different. Some books incinerated in mid-air, others flew out of the screen, some were falling on the ground, others hit the guy in the head - ouch, that must have hurt! But the guy kept doing the same over and again, and there seemed to be an unlimited quantity of books. Right. I should do something with my knowledge. Something outside! Maybe using the chip I can get past some irrational fears I’ve gotten during my life. What’s the first thing that comes to my mind? I should go somewhere I’m not disturbed by anyone. I know! There’s an artificial forest nearby, one of the first that were planted after most of the vegetation died out throughout the state, due to an inexplicably aggressive fungus against which no cure was found. Not soon enough anyway. There was no time to slowly re-vegetate the entire state, so something had to be done quickly, and the experimental forest was planted in order to preserve the natural wildlife. They miscalculated the amount of nano-particles injected for faster growth, and the trees developed a metal coating that prevented cellphone coverage, or any form of signal. To day it was still considered a weird phenomenon. At any rate, the experimental forest was a complete failure, but somehow ironically, the fungus that previously destroyed entire forests, absorbed the metal and allowed for the ecosystem to develop anew. The animals were safe and sound, and thus it was decided to leave it as it was. It was dangerous going in there, and yet somehow exciting, to be off the grid! I didn’t ever have the courage to get even close. What if now, with the chip, I could? I looked at the screen, uploaded the 181th thought, and wrote a note to myself that I should check it first thing in the morning. I’m not a morning person, so chances were big I could forget altogether. Something caught my attention in the corner of my eye. Looking towards my wardrobe I saw nothing but a plastic coating of the black doors. But there, were the handles were, right there I’m sure I saw a glimpse of red. I got up and went to the wardrobe. I bowed a little and started to watch attentively the handles. Nope. They were their usual silver color alright. After a few seconds I realized the futility of my actions, and remembered that I did drink three beers the past evening. Didn’t feel drunk, but still, I was at least partially, no matter how much I like to pride myself with tolerance to alcohol. Better to close off this day.

I was woken up by the morning lights. Damn, I forgot to close the blinds before going to sleep. Was too drunk and tired to think of such details. Also, my head was still a bit sore. I really shouldn’t have drank yesterday, but oh well, it was a fun evening. My brain was slowly getting up-to date, for the new day. My body felt sore, I didn’t sleep calmly. Upload. Going through the morning routine, I wanted to start the new day studying. I ”’morning”-ed the tablet, and upon seeing the welcome screen there was a note to myself to check the 181th thought. Sure, why not. As soon as I saw the title - Experimental Forest Hiking - I didn’t even have to open it. I still did, just to be sure, and indeed the words and images contained within told me that I was thinking of using the chip to conquer my fears. If I could do that, I could achieve anything! I’m getting better at remembering my uploaded thoughts! And there it was again! A glimpse of red. I stood up, and went to check the wardrobe’s handles. But of course, there was no sight of the red color. I started wondering if perhaps this was a side effect of the chip that was in my brain. But my eagerness toward getting to the forest took control. So I dressed up, and went outside to what I expected to be a beautiful morning. But instead, the sun started to hide behind the clouds, and there were some menacing ones to be seen on the horizon. Just great. It was 10 am, and I quickly took the phone out of my pocket - only to see the screen was covered with red numbers 0 and 1. They were made up of different sizes and positions. What’s happening? Blinking I saw the regular welcome screen. Did I just imagine this? I started being paranoid. How many times have friends told me to just stop worrying? Upload, thoughts, the forest awaits.

With the clouds gathering in the sky, I quickly walked to my car and drove to the parking lot just before the forest. I thought to my self that I hope I have enough time to quickly get in, get a glimpse of what it’s like and come back to the car before it starts raining. My pulse started growing, as I cast a glance on the metallic surface of the trees. They were exceptionally high trees, with great bushy crowns far up in the sky. Looking at them actually made me smile: they’ll provide cover if needed. Still, the sooner I got this over with, the better. And then something inside the car caught my attention. The GPS display I had installed was going crazy, with red zeroes and ones flashing across the screen. And vanishing once again. Right, what was that all about? It never did that before. A malfunction? I said out loud ”manual” and then searched for frequent defects the GPS could have. Nothing on red numerals. Could it have something to do with the chip inside my brain? I quickly called Norm. Of course, didn’t pick up, why would he? He was probably having some amazing sex with Dana. So I called Blair instead ”... mmmf? D’ ya want? Is early?” I obviously woke him up, but what the hell, this was important: ”Hey lazy ass, tell me something. Do you know of some problems that could be had with the brain implant? Some kind of glitches?” I first heard a grunting noise before Blair composed himself: ”What do you mean glitches? Like what?” ”Like seeing red numbers 0 and 1 on displays.” ”Yep. That’s completely normal.” I was awaiting for some further explanation, and when that didn’t come I insisted, with an edge to my tone: ”Please explain yourself! To me it seems like I’m going crazy!” ”Hey hey, calm down, it’s early.” A pause followed. ”Hm, ok, it’s not that early actually. Never mind I’m still sleepy. Yeah, as I was saying, it’s normal to see the 0s and 1s. It’s what happens for the first few days after you get the chip installed. Since it’s an electronic device, your brain can have troubles perceiving other electronic devices and will glitch a bit. But it’s nothing to worry about, just wait and it will go away. Now excuse me, but my bed is sexier than you.” I couldn’t even say bye before he put down. I cursed under my breath, but at least was reassured. Problem with digital devices, huh? Then a thought crossed my mind. Is this the first time that it happened to me, or did it sometime already, and I just uploaded it without thinking? I interacted with the surface of my smartphone and did a quick search for ”weird” ”glitch” ”red” and ”numerals”. Sure enough, there were 30 thoughts overall that had names connected with the said words. And only after 30 such attempts did I care to find out? Sometimes my carelessness really impresses me.

Exiting the car I saw the parking place was completely empty. Fair enough, since the weather promised to be shitty. I went up to the forest. Deep breath. Need to keep calm and upload my thoughts every time I get a panic attack. And sure enough, I saw something moving behind a tree. I looked closely, and didn’t see nothing. But before I could let my imagination fly free, I stored my thoughts. My pulse calmed down and I realized I was inside the forest. The light was growing dim, both due to the clouds, and the shadows the trees were casting. I followed the pathway, avoiding the twigs. I checked my phone and saw the signal was gone, I was on my own. I tried to reassure myself. The animals living here generally avoided people, and with the bad weather they’ll prefer staying near their respective caves, right? This was what my brain was saying. But my heart was instead beating faster and faster like it wanted to tell me ”LOOK, loook everywhere! What? How come you’re not facing the other direction! I'm sure there's at least one bear at your back!” And I did turn, and saw no bear. Not even a squirrel as a matter of fact. Maybe I’m just paran- and interrupting my thoughts, I saw a young deer standing in the path in front of me. Just looking me with a fixed gaze. I smiled and raised a hand and that apparently startled it, as it jumped off in the bushes. What if there’s his father around? Upload. I felt disoriented. Have I checked the surroundings already? I looked around and everything seemed quiet. There was nothing that could potentially endanger me. I should just stay alert, and everything will be fine. I realized I was standing still, and convinced my legs to start moving once again.

When I checked the watch, it was almost a quarter past 11, so I was walking through the forest for almost an hour! I did it! I happily looked at my smartphone and - holy shit - 260 thoughts! I quickly scanned the names and realized that most of them were fears. Like leaves shrugging, or the sound of the wind blowing, or perhaps the crackling noise of twigs breaking. At least judging by the names I didn’t have any dangerous encounters with the wildlife. And just as I started to calm down, I saw a deer standing right ahead of me. It seemed to me to be the same youngster I met before. Only this time it was incredibly close, almost at a touching distance. I stood paralyzed, with my mind racing to all different places, impossible to decide on what was the right action to take. My thoughts were saved so I could regain the calm. It’s only a young deer, it surely won’t attack me. As if reading my thoughts, it started to open its mouth. I watched incredulously, as there were red numbers of different shapes and sizes inside his mouth. And as it opened wider and wider, I noticed the red 0s and 1s that reminded me of something, and they started to slide out, one by one. Suddenly I heard a barking noise, and the deer extended its neck towards me, so the numbers started to flow through the air, towards me in a torrent of air. What’s happening? My brain screaming, body frozen in fear. Next thing I know, I was running away, not daring to look back. How’s this possible? What is the brain implant doing to me? But then I realized that the whole situation couldn’t possibly be real. I was imagining things. Still, it didn’t help, I was too scared. Or that would have been the case once. Now I simply had to upload my thoughts, and so I came down to a halt. What was I running for? I turned around, and in the distance I saw a young deer calmly eating the grass. There was no sign of anything else. So what got me so worked up? I checked the name of the last upload:

Summary - T262
Thoughts name - Deer Red Numbers attack
Open? Yes. No.

I found this familiar. Suddenly I remembered Blair talking to me, saying it was normal for the implant to glitch and for me to see the displays turning into numbers. But what has it got to do with the deer? A living being? This is bullshit, what am I, some kind of a weakling? I decided to turn around and slowly started approaching the animal. When I got closer it seemed to notice me, and started staring with those big eyes. I decided to make a few more steps - and it ran away. Well, that was it? I found a new sense of confidence and took a full intake of air. The air was moist, reminding me it was sure to start raining soon and I should be getting back. I turned around and froze in my tracks. I saw a pack of wild boars, apparently minding their own business and eating the grass. But They were positioned all around the main path, and there was no way of avoiding them. What now? I was far too deep into the forest to just start walking in a random direction, not marked by a path. And there was no signal of any kind, to check where I was or which direction I should go. I started to panic and had to resort to my chip once again. I scanned the surroundings with a clear head and there was no obvious shortcut between the trees. Only bushes, trees and fungus, it would be hard moving along, let alone trying to get somewhere. Apparently there’s only one way to go back, right through the enemy lines. I slowly started moving towards the boars, hoping they’ll get scared and run away. The 3 boars nearest to me suddenly heard me and raised their heads, watching me intensely. An immense sense of fear prevailed me and I regretted my ignorance towards wildlife. But what was I to do? For a moment I hesitated, thinking if it made any sense to just stand there. I looked around hoping to get another option, and I saw that some trees have low branches, which I could use to get myself to higher ground. If the boars attacked me, I could still run to the heights. Here goes nothing. And I continued walking, while storing my thoughts in order to appear more calm. The boars didn’t move as I was getting closer and closer. What is this? A stand-off competition? And so I continued moving. By the time I was so close to them I realized I probably couldn’t outrun them to the trees, all the boars had their heads turned towards me, but none making a move. My head was freaking out and I have no idea how many times I thought to myself ”upload current mind state”. And yet, I continued with my firm stride, closer and closer. I was already at a kicking distance between the closest boar. And then. Nothing. I passed right in their midst! All the boars simply turned their heads, and successively their bodies, to follow my movements but that was it. Is this some kind of a joke? Before I could realize what was going on, I was already on the other side of their lines. I kept walking and turning my head to see if they made any sudden movements. And then I noticed something. Some of the boars had red eyes. No, it couldn’t be. Forcing my eyes I realized that instead of pupils, their eyes were formed up by red ones and zeroes. I stopped. And as if that was some magical trigger, the numbered eyes started to inflate and grow out of the boars heads. I couldn’t believe my own eyes. Even more so, the other boars that had regular black eyes now had their legs swollen, with numbers pointing out, like knives. And soon enough, the numbers started to fall off their legs, while the boars with enlarged eyes now had their heads completely covered by what could be two big balloons, made up of black space and skewed numbers, as they formed the spherical shape. I thought this couldn’t get any more weirder, but it did. The big-eyed boars started floating! It was as if their eyes were literally made up of helium, and they started flying towards the trees crowns. The boars remaining on the ground, with regular eyes, the swollen legs couldn’t support their weight anymore, so their bodies numbly fall on the ground, with all four legs on their sides and numbers still continuing to spill around the floor. A tremendous thunder shook me, and the swollen eyes and leggs exploded, with all the numbers flying in all the directions, from up above and down on the ground.

That was about all I could take, and I ran away, screaming in desperation and the madness that prevailed me. I got hit by the numbers, and it felt like they were made of some kind of fluid, soaking me, yet still remaining on my body. I ran farther and faster I had ever run in my entire life. And then I started to realize that the rain was coming through the crowns of the trees, touching me, almost caressing me - finally something ordinary! And slowly it washed away the numbers. I started to calm down and couldn’t care less if I’d catch a cold from the rain. What a beginning of the day. And then I finally saw the entrance to the forest. I was almost near my car, and then, the civilization! I closed my eyes, remembering to upload, and exhaled. I opened my eyes once again, and looked up in the air. And the sky was red. I blinked a few times, trying to cover my eyes from the downpouring rain and looking up the trees. Not the sky. The raindrops were starting to transform in the 0s and 1s. Tiny, hard to distinguish, but there was no doubt about it! And soon enough, even the coat was not wet anymore, but covered by little numbers, beginning to change its color to red. I was too exhausted to care. Should I be scared? And the answer came by itself. The numbers started hissing, and dissolving the tissue! I didn’t waste any more time, and run for my life, trying to cover all exposed parts of my skin by retreating the arms in the coat and putting it over my head. I could hear the hissing, and the rain getting heavier. But I was really near to the car, so I darted for it, and entered in the quickest way possible. I locked the doors just to be sure, and tried to find my breath. I got rid of the coat and realized I was shaking wildly. This is it. I have to return the chip! How is it possible that the rain is hurting me? I looked out of the window and could see only red, barely distinguishable numbers. I started the car and turned on the windscreen wipers. Nothing? It was as if the whole window was colored! My heartbeat started flowing through the roof, and not even uploading the thoughts helped me with the crazy situation. Am I going to die here? This is insane!

Part IV

And so I woke up, covered in sweat. I was sitting before the tablet-screen at my home. I checked the watch, 4 pm. It took me only a few moments to realize that what I experienced were nothing but dreams! They kind of felt off for the whole time, but why in the world did they seem so real and so vivid? The brain implant!! Damn it! My heart wanted to jump out of my chest and start running away, but slowly started realizing that what I experienced was nothing else but a nightmare. I didn’t waste any time, and opened the internet straight up, trying to do a little research. I searched for side effects, problems with the brain implants, anything! And I found absolutely nothing. No special cases, no problems. I researched all the possible places that came to my mind, tried various search engines, read blogs through and through, and medical advices. The only things I found was that the brains of some people rejected the chip and simply couldn’t have it, so it was removed. For some the procedure was retried, and most got lucky the second time. But after the implant was successfully in the brain, there was no evidence whatsoever of any problems. Am I still dreaming? This was the thought that constantly occupied my mind, and I didn’t want to just save it on the computer. I was genuinely scared that I’m still inside a dream, and if so, wanted to exit right away. It was the middle of the night and I didn’t want to call my friends, as I clearly remembered that I did it in the dreams and it wasn’t reliable enough - it felt too real. So what in the world could prove me if I’m dreaming or not? Actually, I’d be happy if I’m dreaming, because if I’m not, then apparently I’m the only psychopath in the whole wide world to have traumatic experiences with the chip. Is that even possible? The situation was getting out of my hand and I couldn’t do anything but to upload.

With a calm mind I got an idea. How many thoughts have I uploaded? When I saw the number, I started laughing uncontrollably: 5143. This was actually good news. Is it possible I just couldn’t cope with the reality I was creating to myself, by just shoving my thoughts aside each and every time I didn’t know what to do? The more I thought about it, the more sense it made. I could have totally screwed-up with my senses by overusing the brain implant. I should probably be more careful. I let out a sigh of relief. Sitting on the chair for some time I started to think on what happened. I was out drinking with my friends, that was real, I’m pretty sure of it. And I remember deciding to go to the forest I’m so scared of. And afterwards I must have fallen asleep, as I was worn out and heavy-headed on beer. In fact, I kind of feel a little nauseous now that I think of it. Perfect. It all adds up. A smile crept out on my face, and I let out another few relieved breaths. I just have to get used to this new toy, that’s all. I’m glad that the nightmare is over, it was the worst one I ever had! And then it struck me light a lightning on a clear day. How the hell did I know how did the forest look like? I clearly remember going through the main path, and observing the nature around I have never ever seen. I was walking for quite some time too, as I remember. Was it an hour or so? It must have been. So how is it possible that I imagined so vividly something I never lived? Is it just the added sensibility of the implant or something else entirely? These are some questions I don’t think I can answer on my own. I’ll have to go to the forest again. But this time I’m dragging my friends along. And I’m not uploading any more thoughts until I figure this out. I still can’t believe it has come to 5143 in such a short time. I also didn’t want to go to sleep in fear of suffering another psychotic nightmare. So I decided instead to play a game or two to let the time pass.

Despite me having that anxious feeling of not knowing the whole story behind the forest-excursion, I got so immersed in playing that it was already 10 am before I realized it. I was surprised, but then noticed that I let the blinds closed. That didn’t happen in the dream. I opened them and looked outside. The weather was sunny, with no clouds to be seen anywhere. What a better occasion than this to go on a stroll in a dangerous place. Now that I think of it, will my friends be willing to go there? We never actually talked about visiting the forest, but only discussing all the surreal stories that surrounded it. No other way to find out than to call them. Blair was the first victim. The phone rung for some time until finally I heard a yawn and a ”Yeah? Whadya want?” ”Hey lazy ass, did I wake you up?” ”No, not really, but I almost fell asleep on my chemistry book.” I laughed, so typical of him ”I’m calling you because I had a fucked-up dream-thingy” and I proceeded to explain him the whole thing, without omitting any details. He was listening intently and in the end simply said ”Pick me up in 15”. One down, two to go. ”Hey Dren, what’s up?” contrary to the dream, his friend responded quickly ”Hey Norm! You wouldn’t believe what I dreamed, or possibly imagined tonight!” ”Try me!” was the excited answer. And again, I proceeded to explaining the whole story, this time remembering a few additional details. ”Shit. Really? Have you called your doctor?” Norm was preoccupied. I grew silent for a second and then responded: ”Actually no, I didn’t think of that, because I did a research online, and my explanation made sense in the end. Also, if we go to the forest, I’ll go over my fear of that place maybe, and perhaps learn to abuse the implant less. Oh by the way, is Dana with you?” ”Yep, she’s here alright, she was spying on the whole conversation, you’d better run for your lif-” Oh right, now comes the lecture. ”Are you out of your mind? The forest is a dangerous place, you know that! Nobody knows what exactly goes on in there. Not only the wildlife, but there are stories of criminals taking refuge there, due to the lack of the signal! You could-” I had to interrupt her, because I had enough worries on my own: ”Calm down Dana. Yes, I know. I’m scared of it, you should know that better than me. I told you a thousand times. That’s why we’ll go in a group, and nothing bad will happen. Probably. Maybe.” I intentionally emphasized the last two words and made a little pause in between. ”Heey! That’s not funny you know!” but she said in a kidding tone, so I knew I won her over as well. ”So yeah, there’s this piece of the puzzle that doesn’t quite seem right. I have to find out if the forest is anything like the one I saw in the dream,” I was more and more convinced of what I was saying. And then Dana responded something that made me return in doubt: ”Ok. Suppose that we go there. And that you find out the forest is exactly how you pictured it in your dreams. What then? What will that tell you?” I fell silent. Damn that woman, she sure knows how to hit the nail on its head. Indeed, what will that tell me? That I’ve been once to the forest already and I somehow suppressed the memory? That the brain implant screwed with my brain so badly I lost the perception of time? ”Uhm, hello?” ”Yes, Dana, I’m still here. I just... I don’t really know what to tell you. Just to be sure of something, yesterday evening we were at the Cal’s pub drinking, right?” her response was that of a genuine surprise: ”Of course! Why, you don’t remember?” I didn’t want to make her panic, so I quickly added: ”Yes, yes, I do remember, all of it. But I was scared that the chip made me forget I lived a day or something.” Upon realizing how that sounded I anticipated her objection and said: ”Look, can we just do this? I’d like to see the forest anyway, to go beyond my fears. It will be an adventure! Maybe the rumors are exaggerated?” I wasn’t too convincing, not even to myself, but still I heard a sigh from the other side and then: ”Well, all right, can you come pick us up?” ”Sure thing! Get ready, I’ll be right there!” ”Ok, take care!”

About 40 minutes later and a whole lot of ”Sorry! Sorry that you had to wait for us!” from Dana and Norm, all four friends arrived near the artificial experimental forest. Unlike the dreams, there was no parking lot near the forest. Only a road going by, and a few cars parked on the sides, probably of hunters or such? Also, the sun continued to shine without any sign of wanting to stop. We exited the cars and I looked upon the trees. First I was relieved, as they looked nothing like the trees I remembered from the dream. I told my friends so, and especially Dana seemed relieved. So it was completely possible that indeed everything that happened was a dream, an artifact of my imagination united with the power of the brain implant. I thought for a second about uploading and just enjoying the day and exploring the forest, but decided against it. I was still weary of overuse. Even more, I wanted to make sure that there are absolutely no similarities between what I lived in the dream, and what existed in the real world. I wanted to put my mind at peace. And so we started walking, without any of us saying a single word. We didn’t want to attract any attention in case someone - or something - was lurking around the corner. I was so tense at first, waiting for something unusual, a sound, a sight, anything, that I didn’t even notice the most regular things. The trees. When I relaxed a bit however, I started noticing that they do seem kind of familiar. Their metallic surface, the abnormal height, the crowns up in the air. They weren’t exactly how I remembered them from the dream, but still, strikingly similar. The more I paid attention, the more details completed those from my memories - a fungus there, in the shape of a beer barrel, a tree broken in half, fallen on some bushes. The farther in the forest we went, the dimmer the light became, and the more similar the forest seemed to me to the one I visited in the dreams. Of course, when I had been here in my mind, there wasn’t much light to begin with, because the weather was cloudy! Now that we were getting to the darkest parts of the forest, the memory and my eyes seemed more similar. In fact, I started realizing the only difference was that in the dreams I’ve seen the exact same trees, only in different places. Our memory isn’t perfect, so I could have really been here and just messed the position of the trees in my head? ”Guys..” I started, but my voice betrayed me. They all turned and their expressions changed from thoughtful to really concerned. ”Why are you looking at me like that?” I blurted out. ”Your voice. It’s obvious something isn’t right,” said Norm ” we know you too well. Tell us, what’s wrong?”. ”That’s the thing,” I started, while trying to get a hold of my thoughts and of what I wanted to say: ”I.. I think I’ve been here once. And I’m afraid this isn’t just some childhood memory. I remember these exact trees all too well. They just seem to be in the wrong places. Or, well, you know, I might have just mixed them up. But I’ve been here, and not that long ago. But I don’t remember it! Is it possible that the brain implant simply suppressed some of my memories before it? Do you know if I have been here some time ago? I’d have told you something like that, right?” I started to grow anxious and resisted the urge to save my thoughts. Norm smiled: ”Why does this forest scare you exactly?” I didn’t get it. Was this some kind of an elaborated prank? I began to be irritated: ”Why do you ask? You know damn well why! Because it’s a forest where there’s no signal and there are dangerous animals and...” Blair interrupted him, with an evil grin on his face: ”Yes, yes, blah blah, keep telling yourself that. Every forest has animals. And of course, if you wander off to the woods, there’s a big chance you’ll overstep their territory and get injured, maybe killed even. But why your irrational fear of even entering it?” ”I.. what’s going on? Why do I think I’m the only one in this group not getting the joke??” my anger was getting out of control. Dana gave me the most wide smile I ever seen on her face: ”Why the anger Dren? We’re just asking questions. And you know the answers. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here.” I fell silent for a moment and tried to concentrate. Tried to search deep down into my memories. But I didn’t get it, for the sake of my life. And I uttered a truly desperate: ”Why are you all being so enigmatic with me and smiling all the time? I’m getting scared of you. Can’t you simply tell me?” All three of my friends, Blair, Dana and Norm responded in unison: ”We can’t tell you what you forgot. We can only show you the way. You’ll have to see for yourself. But you stopped, not us. Don’t you want to go on? To see what lies at the end of the road?” That had to be the single most creepy thing I ever heard in my life, as if the people standing before me weren’t long-known friends, but were instead replaced by robots. Dread engulfed me as I realized that I have to get over my fear and finish what I started: ”Will you at least follow me through?” ”Sure thing, we’re always here for you!” was the answer, bearing no emotions whatsoever.

And so I went on. I was too scared to look at my friends, yet their company still gave me strength. I had no idea what was going on, and had the strangest feeling that this is again just a dream. One second thought, yeah, this had to be a dream. Once my mind acknowledged this fact, I calmed down a little, and continued walking, observing the trees and enjoying the stillness of the forest. It was peaceful. ”Turn right” I heard Blair’s voice from behind me. ”But the main road goes forward, I don’t remember in my dream turning away. Why would I ever do that?” I objected. But then added ” oh, but yes, this is just a dream, so why the hell not?” None of the friends responded. I turned to look at them, and they were gone. Ha! I knew it! Another dream. I tried slapping myself. It hurt. I checked the smartphone, and there was no connection. And just as I did this, the power ran out. Of course, right now. Well, at least I can’t upload my thoughts anymore, so the number won’t escalate to infinity. ”Don’t you find it strange that there would be a forest near a big city that’s dangerous and that would be left without any form of signal, not GPS, not mobile, not wireless?” I turned, startled, to see a smiling Dana talking to me: ”Oh, Dren, you’re intelligent, but so arrogant that you can’t see the truth right in front of your eyes.” I started shouting, losing definitely my calm: ”What are you talking about? This is all just a big freaking dream! I haven’t yet found a way to exit it, but I will! Or maybe I just have to play along. If that’s the case, come on, go on dream-girl show me the way!” And I realized I was shouting at nothing. Also, I’ve remembered that the dream had already told me what to do. Just turn right. Whatever, I’ll comply, what have I to lose? There was a small path, leading through a bush, and onto a grotesque sight. There lied a man, with his head smashed, and blood all around. My stomach revolted and I quickly turned my sight away. What the hell? Oh, but of course, these stupid dreams have to turn scary at some point. Well, you got me, I’m scared, brain. What now? Will you please wake up? Nothing happened, and there was nobody around to answer my thoughts. I turned around and wanted to walk away. ”So you don’t want the truth after all. You don’t want to wake up.” why was the voice so familiar? Where have I heard it before. I turned once again, but same as before, there was only the body, lying lifeless on the ground. I looked at the body more closely, is it perhaps someone I know? I took a few steps towards it and keeled. It seemed as though he had fallen from somewhere above head-first into the ground. This was intentional! A suicide! Now I started to be really scared, and I wished I could save my thoughts somewhere. I searched his pockets and picked up his Smartphone - dead. Useless piece of crap. What the hell, this is MY dream, I want answers!

I didn’t expect anything to happen, but it did. The phone from my pocket and the one from the stranger flew in the air, as I watched incredulously. They formed a screen in midair and a familiar voice greeted me ”Welcome back commander Dren.” ”SHUT UP!” I yelled, and the main menu was before me. I searched for the uploaded thoughts and found that there are 320254. This is insane. Did I become addicted to the upload feature? ”Yes.” the body was speaking to me! ”But so did I” added Blair, who materialized out of nothing. ”And us two as well” joined Dana and Norm. This was bad. Really bad. What an incredibly insane dream this was. But let’s roll with it until the end. Upload. 320255 on-screen. Sure, why the hell not. ”Don’t you see there’s no end to this?” the body spoke, lying completely lifeless, yet talking to me, with my voice! It was somehow muffled and I’m not used to hearing myself from an outsider, but that was definitely my voice. Does that mean...? Well, If there’s no end, what about the beginning? I gestured around, and went to the first thought:

Summary - T1
Thoughts name - Vicious Cycle
Open? Yes. No.

How stupid I am, I knew that one. But as I thought it, the wording on the screen changed. It said ”The computer programs consider 0 to be the first number...” At this point I was ready to believe anything, so I closed the file and searched for the phantom thoughts_0. But there wasn’t one! ”It’s because it was deleted from existence. It’s the very reason you feared the forest and what awaited you in here. But you are right, this is in a way a dream. Are you ready to end it?” said the body. ”If I’m talking with my dead self, sure, I’m ready as I’ll ever be, bring it on!” I truly felt nothing at all, as I was too exhausted

Summary - T0
Thoughts name - Digital Brain
Open? Yes. No.

I saw a stylized man - that I knew to be myself - climbing the tree and jumping down, head first, flying towards the ground. I saw a stylized Blair driving the car in a wall. I saw a stylized Dana and Norm drinking and drinking - and then lying unmovable on the floor. I stopped watching, but with the glimpse of an eye I could still see various other people, some remembering me someone, others not, all committing suicide! And so I read out loud, to take my mind of the disturbing images , and everyone else, Dana, Norm, Blair and the body read with me: ”This new technology, the brain implant, is so amazing it allowed us to overcome all our obstacles. All our deepest fears, our disabilities, almost anything we wanted. The only disability it couldn’t overcome is the day the upload stopped working, due to a global outtake. And that day nobody was ready to be left alone with themselves, without the ability to cancel distracting or disturbing thoughts. To take on all of the daily worries, fears and problems. There was no backup plan, as it wasn’t anticipated that the chip would receive such wide overuse. For me came the knowledge that I can’t get out of the cycle, I’m forever doomed in repeating the same mistakes. I can’t bear this. Upload. UPLOAD DAMN IT! I need some time to think for myself. I’ll go out in the forest. Yeah. There I’ll find peace.”

Living on a razor's edge

I'm sorry I'm not continuing the Novella. I hope I'll do it soon, but I just feel so completely drained out of energy due to work - research in particle physics - and the prospect of doing an exam I don't have any will to study for, because I'm tired of people telling me what I HAVE to do. After studying for 7 years straight (not counting all the education prior to the University), without taking any breaks and doing everything on time I think it is really insulting towards my intelligence that I still have to prove myself.
So instead of trying to write something imaginative, I'll tell a story that really happened, and how I lived it. I hope you'll still find it interesting.

There's a song, Dangerous by Within Temptation feat Howard Jones which is one of the most incredible songs and videos I've seen for quite some time, because I can completely identify myself in it.

It makes me remember standing on what could as well be the edge of the world. A rock overlooking the sea in Kamenjak, Croatia. Dean by my side, convincing me (and himself), to jump. At that point in time, we had already jumped from higher heights - as for example, myself in the picture. What changed? Well, at the point where we were standing, the water was much shallower, and nobody was jumping from there. To be fair, this still meant that the water was a bit less than 2m deep, which could be enough if the jump was executed properly. We are crazy, but not stupid.

From our point of view, the water underneath us was so far away, hiding under its welcoming surface some sharp rocks, waiting to collide with us. We could see our friends swimming in the water below, their preoccupied faces and worrying words showing it might not be the brightest idea. My heart was racing, with me imagining all the stories ever told about people who broke their bones by jumping into shallow water. Even killing themselves.

And I'm supposed to jump head-first into it?
"Sure," said Dean, "you are a swimmer, you know how to do this!"

Audentes fortuna iuvat.

If I remember correctly, I jokingly screamed "For Science!" and I was flying. Had the Dangerous song existed beforehand, I'm pretty sure that the following verses would flow through my mind:

"Nothing matters anyhow
It's like I'm floating on the ground
Into the hands, there I dive
With my life flashing by
Like the time is slowing down
When the world is out of sight
All the memories in my mind
Won't leave me behind"

It didn't last more than a few seconds really, but the feeling was incredible. I was frozen in time in midair, my brain asking "What have you done? There's no turning back from this. What if you really die?"

And then my hands touched the surface of the water, with my body paralyzed by fear. I darted downwards, piercing the water like an arrow. I made a technically good jump, and didn't hit the water too vertically. But opening my eyes, I could see the sea floor getting nearer and nearer. Again, seconds are what counted here. Suddenly my brain completely switched its operating mode. I'm in the water! Ha! Nothing can harm me in the sea. It's my element, my love since I could barely walk. I automatically adjusted my body like a fish, without extending any arms or legs. Bending my back just a little, and let the accumulated speed move me along the wanted direction. Parallel to the ground at first, steadily rising upwards little by little.

Looking down, I saw the sea floor only centimeters away from my body. Maybe 5? Maybe 10? I don't know, but it was so close I knew that if I extended my arms, moved my legs, or made any weird movements with my body out of fear, I'd have scratched the floor. And given the speed I had from the jump, it could have lead to some deep cuts or worse. I had to keep calm...

... but then again, when I was little, I emerged from the water with my whole backside completely scratched by a rock, blood flowing and my mother panicking. As for me, I didn't even realize I was hurt. I was smiling.

And then logically, so many years after, even when looking at what could potentially harm me - danger before my eyes, the sharp rocks below me - I was confident and I emerged victorious, with adrenalin over the roof, feeling incredibly ecstatic.

Dean followed in suite, being reassured by my well-being. He admitted afterwards, on an occasion when we both were drunk and had a surge of alcohol-induced honesty, that had anything happened to me, he'd have followed still, and helped me if I was in peril. I consider myself very lucky to know that I've got my back covered by friends, no matter what shitty situation I get myself into.

And I was scared. And I still am. There are things I'll do which terrorize me, yet strangely attract me. I love gymnastics for one, and I've fallen in ways that made people cringe and worry if I was all right.

"It's dangerous to sacrifice
It makes your blood run to throw the dice
It's dangerous, it's what you like
It's what you'll die for to live this life"

I'll get myself into trouble. My leg-bones are hurting like hell for the past two weeks, with friends, family and acquaintances telling me not to exaggerate, telling me to stay safe. And really, running for 11km and doing 2 hours of gymnastics on the same day perhaps is unwise. And yet, here I am, telling this tale, looking for my physical limits, searching for the edge of Earth, 'cause that's the only place I'll ever find that makes me hope.

Has imagination died?

I happened to watch a review of a movie currently in theaters, called The Monuments Men. And it made me really, really angry, upset, and despaired even. Let me try to explain why.

First off, I haven't seen The Monuments Man yet. But I'm pretty sure I'd like it, since I really like history, and at a certain point in time in my life I even considered studying archeology. And no, it wasn't because of Indiana Jones. It was because of games like Age of Empires, and Sid Meier's Civilization which made me fell in love with building up an empire from scratch and tactical and strategical warfare. Also because of Chess, now that I think of it. Furthermore, one of my top 5 movies of all times is Mongol, which is a historical drama about Genghis Khan and is not at all a light movie. So please understand that I'm one of the first people that would urge you to go see The Monuments Man and support such productions!

BUT. What I'm angry with is that the author states in the review that "The big theatrical release this weekend may be the animated romp The Lego Movie, but on At The Movies, Peter Travers highlights another film that requires a bit more from its audience: The Monuments Men."
In the video he also claims that "[...] the sad thing is that the big movie is the Lego movie". In my opinion it is uttermost arrogant and false to assume that The Monuments Men requires more from its audience than the LEGO movie and that there's an abyssal difference in quality between the two. In the following, I'll try to explain my views on the situation.

The LEGO movie can be enjoyed on multiple levels

 

The Lego movie contains various layers of perception and understanding. You might watch it as a kid, you might watch it as a lifetime geek (my case), as an oblivious adult... Depending on your background you see the movie in a completely different aspect. For example, from a geek standpoint, the movie is loaded with references and tributes. Let's not stop with the obvious ones, Star Wars, Batman, Harry Potter, My Little Pony, etc...
A ton of more subtle references happen almost unnoticeable. My personal favorite: in a fight scene in the movie where the Wyldstyle girl performs a Bicycle Kick [link not safe for work], signature move from Liu Kang where he flies onwards and kicks his opponent just as you would normally ride a bike. So, Mortal Kombat (one of the most violent games in existence) hidden inside a kids movie? I applaud that. But to many people this will just seem like a regular fighting scene.

I could go on for hours explaining all such little tributes, but I would have to watch the LEGO movie again, with the possibility to pause in between, to examine each scene thoroughly.

The vivid imagination kids have

 

The movie essentially shows what goes on in a kid's head while he's playing. That's how I've been living LEGOs as a kid, and other people have done it as well. Have you forgotten? This movie took me back to my infancy and let my mind wander in many different worlds which get presented during the movie's length.  Even the method of filming suits LEGO perfectly. They used a kind of stop-motion technique (I'm not an expert, so I'll stop here).

 A worrying outlook

The movie quite clearly criticizes our society. Starting with the protagonist Emet, the most generic person, living a regular and boring life, with a plant as his only friend. He likes everything generic, and has a routine that he follows each and every day - instructions - just as about most people nowadays. Everyone in this world enjoys a song titled "Everything is Awesome", which criticizes today's taste in generic all-alike pop music, awesome!! How can I claim this? Well, the guys who've helped with the song, The Lonely Island are those that took The Neverending Story and implied a sexual tension between the kid and the dragon. They also criticize today's generation YOLO slogan, and the blind sheep-like behavior, by still making parody songs that are catchy, funny and generally enjoyable. It makes that much more sense for them to be part of such a song in the LEGO movie (though to be fair, the song only gets played whole during the credits).

Furthermore, the world has been taken over by a man who hated chaos, and there are robots ensuing everything is in order. Meaning that we've been automatized, and deprived of our imagination, working in unison having generic tastes and liking everything that the masses like. One thought, one mind, one big great hive.

 

A wake-up call

The LEGO movie is a call-out for people to start using their imagination and realize what's wrong in the world we live in. I like it how George Bernard Shaw put it: "We don't stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing"

So let me summarize this. On one hand we have The Monuments Men, that requires you to live a life of other people, see their suffering, their pain, see what they've been through. Admirable. What some people go through is just incredible. I'm not trying to diminish the value of their lives. So why am I upset about the author of the article basically saying that the Lego movie is not a quality movie, unlike The Monuments Men? Well, because the Lego movie asks you to use your imagination, and stop being a lifeless blob on its way to decay. Now which of the two requirements seem harder to you?

I hate it when people assume something is shit just because it's popular. Sometimes things are popular for all the wrong reasons. In this case, the LEGO movie is one of the most excellent and carefully executed critiques of society, master trolling (gamers will know) and most importantly a movie made with a passion and endless imagination rarely seen in today's movies, that gets sold under merits of being a movie for kids and families.

In my opinion, the LEGO movie is a spark that could help loads of adults reignite their sense of wonder and amazement, and give them a hand in unlocking the potential of their minds, which is our imagination.

What are your thoughts? Do you feel like me (and what I assume is the position of the authors of LEGO movie), or do you perhaps think I'm just defending a subject that's close to my heart and can't see the bigger picture? Something else entirely?

Digital Brain (Novella) version 01 - PART 2

Dear reader, this here is not part of the Novella, but just a quick foreword. First and foremost thank you all, who already gave me some feedback and also to those who will in future! Second, the name of the post got longer than I wanted it to and maybe it's confusing. But simply, here's a link to the first part of the Novella. After I'll write and post it whole (expect about 5-7 parts), I'll start editing and posting updated versions and those will be called version 02, 03, etc.

He sat for a while, with the tablet silently waiting on further notice. Dren almost thought about something, before the ringing sound awoke him. He took his smartphone out, which was nothing else but a smaller version of the screen before him. Again the archaic term stuck. ”.. Yeah?” ”Hey man, me and the gang are meeting for a beer, same time, same place. Care to join?” ”You even have to ask? Hell yea.” ”Great, see ya.” This was Dren’s automatic response, when somebody caught him off guard. So he sat there for a moment, thinking if he really wanted to be in a noisy place tonight. Uploading.

15 minutes later, Dren was already at the usual meeting point, a great pub. ”Pubs are one of the last remaining pieces of the older generations. Still retain their charm, as a testament to time itself.” Upon entering the Cal’s pub he felt a welcoming and warm atmosphere all around. The smell of beer filling his nostrils, and the laughter of people reaching his ears. There was no more second guessing that this had been the right choice for the evening. As per usual, he was the first to arrive, so he simply found a free table. This quest was proven to be no problem at all, since it was very early in the evening and in the middle of the week. He sat upon one of the welcoming cushioned chairs. Soon enough, the smooth surface of the table reacted to his presence, and lit up. A welcoming screen appeared, showing a variety of different options. Dren moved forward his arm, and lightly touched the screen a few times. He was automatically selecting the section dedicated to the various different beers. Multiple options followed on-screen, with Dren lazily selecting ”lager” and ”white”, without even looking at the other options. He was so used to this place probably even more than his home.

He lost track of time by looking at the different beers imported from various countries - politically speaking, various sub-territories of the great European Union. For the second time in less then an hour, he was pulled to the reality by the sound of Blair’s words:”Hey man!” and his welcoming hand saluting awkwardly. ”Hi Blair! Wow, to be honest I wasn’t expecting you so soon.” ”Ha-ha, very funny. I’m never late!” but than continuing with ”Well, no. I’m late, but never as late as Dana and Norm.” ”Yeah, have to give you that one. How many beers do you think we can down before they honor us with their presence?” ”Tough question! I’d say we better find out!” and with that, the conversation was momentarily over, and both sat in silence, while fumbling with the table-screen. In the end they both went for the artificially home-brewed beer. ”In here nothing beats the ol’ Cal’s lager.” to which Dren responded:”Were you reciting this line since the last time?” They laughed in unison and sat for a while longer, awaiting the waitress. Before Dren could see her, he heard a surprised and somewhat amused Blair saying:”Oh wow, this place has sexy waitresses too?”. He followed the sound of the voice and identified the object of Blair’s musings. A tall brunette, ”Nice ass” the first thought crossing Dren’s mind - it was hard to miss, since the waitress made sure her behind was emphasized non the least by the skinny jeans she was wearing - and a generous bosom from what could be observed from over the Cal’s obligatory Shirt-wear. Her response was rather bemused and off-guard:”Oh. Uhm. Thanks I guess, here’s your beer.” ”Thanks,” replied both and awaited her leave.

”So she’s not only a new face in here, but a newbie to the whole waitress-thing as well.” ”Seems so.” confirmed Blair, still hoping to get another look at her butt, even though she was beyond his eyesight. Blair’s excited ”Next beer, I want to find out all about her!” was met with Dren’s resigned ”Sure you do. But for now let’s just toast and start this night!”. ”Cheers!” was heard over the sound of two glasses meeting. And soon a refreshing cold taste filled their mouths, successively spreading downwards to their stomachs. ”Aaah, the first sip of the beer is always...” ”Magnificent I’d say.” ”Wasn’t exactly the word I was thinking of, but sure, magnificent it is.” concluded Blair. A moment of awkwardness followed, with the two not being exactly happy with how the moment played out. Dren was the first to break the unwelcoming silence with an idea:”Hey, let’s play a drinking game? Haven’t done it in quire some time now.” Blair’s green eyes behind heavy-framed black glasses lit up in expectation, in a way Dren always associated with the excitement of a young kid opening a Christmas present:”Great idea! We haven’t played the Cal’s games since we got fed up with them soon after the bar’s opening.” Following his words, Blair tapped the table-screen, selected the category ”Games” and lastly, the ”tap-out”. Of course, the bar officially didn’t recommend drinking, and the game was intended to simply be a fun pastime, to see who has a better eye-hand coordination and sense for rhythm. In principle it was a simple game, the players had to tap with either the left or the right hand, depending on the on-screen instructions, which followed the rhythm of a popular song. After the song’s ending, the winning player is one that has managed to follow the rhythm better. From there to a drinking game, the step was simple: whoever loses, drinks. And then loses some more and drinks more. Just as about all of the drinking games go. It was a game that was more fun with a larger number of players, though that usually proved to be a problem, because everyone started to be too loud for the other bar guests.

Time passed quickly by, with Dren taking the first defeat, shortly followed by Blair’s. Another few defeats followed on Dren’s part, with Blair starting to drink just to keep him company and then the situation reversed once again. Both were growing happier by the mixed excitement of alcohol entering their brain and a competition taking place. Before it could degenerate to an all-out drunken competition, Norm and Dana arrived and their apologetic ”Hey guys, sorry for being late! Again! It was her/his fault this time.” was greeted with ”Oh, look who arrived. Can you both tell us which year is it again?” After two beers and starting on the third, neither Dren nor Blair cared about common courtesy. And also, despite the possibility of there being a legitimate excuse, Dren and Blair firmly believed that Norm and Dana were just having some great sex, while their friends patiently waited for them. This response noticeably shook Dana, but she was reasonable enough to understand she should just stay quiet on this one. So instead, she simply looked up to Norm and squeezed his hand, hoping to get some comfort. Instead his alpha-male instincts showed up and he only threw her a lazy glance, before confronting his two best friends. Oh yes, the knowledge that his friends envy his oh-so-amazing sex life put a boost on his confidence, so he gladly seconded it and so his response was ”Uhh.. I don’t know. You only have to keep track of years when you don’t know the last time you got laid.” An idiotic grin appeared on his face. Dana felt a wave of shame fleeting through her body and she angrily added:”Then you better start counting, smart-ass.” This got Dren and Blair out of the cornered position and they looked at each other and laughed hard.

Once the pair was seated and another two Cal’s lagers were ordered, the conversation picked up immediately:”So, Dren. How are you treading with the chip?” at the sound of Norm’s voice, all three heads turned towards Dren in expectation. ”Oh, well. Give me a second” Dren replied, to which he quickly Uploaded his thoughts ”Right. Sorry, I had to clear my mind, you were asking about the Chip? It’s actually treading extremely well. I managed to study - bear with me please - for 5 hours straight!!” A laughter followed, with all of his friends genuinely amused. Blair was the first to pick up the conversation:”I’m sorry, but that just. Isn’t like you.” Dren angrily commented:”Oh so now you’re mocking me? Gee thanks! Such great a friend you are!” Realizing that Dren wanted to hear a praise for his endeavors, Dana quickly jumped in:”I think you got us wrong. It’s great what you did! It’s just not the first thing that we thought you’d do with the new chip.” ”Oh?” Dren was intrigued now. Norm weighed in, with Blair nodding a few times so to confirm his mutual thoughts:”Well, yeah, you were always the smart guy in our group. Studying would be the first common thought of every student ever. We were almost betting that you’d do something more inventive!” Deep down, Dren knew that they were right, and there was much more the chip could give to him. How could he have not thought of this before? Quickly taking out his smartphone, he uploaded the thoughts and checked the number - thoughts_175 - making a mental note to remember it later. The rest of the evening was uneventful, with the bunch happily chatting, drinking and recounting their daily experiences. Dren’s friends have long before taken advantage of the new technology. And seeing how it improved their daily lives, it was his friends that eventually got him out of the fear for this mind-meddling digital implant

... TO BE CONTINUED

Let me put here again a link to the beginning of this Blog, so it will make more sense for newcomers. Hopefully.

Digital Brain (Novella) version 01

”A year gone by again, and I’m still not closer to understanding myself,” the thought echoing in Dren’s head, overthrowing all other brain processes. ”I’m feeling like living a never-ending cycle. Promise for a change, and that change never comes. No matter how hard I try, I don’t seem to be getting anywhere.” Thoughts like this would usually lead to a depressing vortex of complete unproductivity and an overwhelming sense of uselessness. But not this time. No. Something has changed in the last 24 hours and his brain didn’t yet fully acknowledge it.

”The chip implant I bought!” A new technology, scary to some, life-saving to others. Simply an electrical circuit, attached to the back of the brain, with the goal to collect electric impulses which neurons use to communicate. Atop of that, the chip had wireless transmission capabilities.
And so, with just a simple thought ”Upload current mind state” the depressing mood was cleared away and stored digitally. As if all the problems were viruses in his head, and were brutally murdered by the superior intellect that is our brain.

”That’s. Weird.” were the only thoughts left, as he couldn’t explain to himself the undergone sensation. But he couldn’t even think it over again, because it was soon replaced with more imminent worries: ”I should check if my previous thoughts were saved correctly!” With a new goal in life, he put his hands before him and made a welcoming gesture. The liquid crystals before him, that just a second ago were only a puddle forming various assymetrical shapes, started to compose into a more organized manner. In mere seconds, a 30 inch display was staring him across the table, the crystals changing the color accordingly. He lazily turned his wrist, which almost instantly got recognized as a changing of color gesture, and the screen borders went from a black to a vivid blue color.

Before he got the chance to do anything else, a familiar female voice greeted him ”Welcome back, Commander Dren” - this always made him smile. An edited greeting for the stake of nostalgia. He quickly turned his focus on the present time and thought for a second what to say. Any word or phrase was ok really, since the tablet (the archaic name still stuck for some reason) had voice recognition. ”Blaaaargh” was all he could utter, but it was enough. It was a good word apparently, as the login screen faded to the main menu. From there he shoved his right hand in dismissal and then upraised his left to the eye level. In accordance with his hand movements, the icons on the screen changed places and forms and there it was a - notification that a new file was saved in the appositly called ”fuck you brain” folder. Pretty stupid name for a folder, but with a reason - or so Dren liked to tell himself in the hopes of cheating out his brain. Upon examining its contents there was a file labelled ”thoughts_01” and making a pull gesture with his right hand, a notification window popped up.

 

Summary: Thoughts recorded - Vicious Cycle. Open? Yes. No.

 

”Indeed, this is a great way to trick the mind! Even when I look at this file, it doesn’t tell me absolutely anything. I have no clue what the vicious cycle is.” But of course now that his curiosity was peaked, there was no going back. ”What will happen if I press yes?” and he put a thumb up, allowing the machine to interpret it as a confirmation. What happened was both mesmerizing and interesting all at once. There was text covering the screen, and a narrator’s vocie reading it. But the peculiar thing was the video playing. A set of bizarre black circular tubes forming inside one another and outgrowing. And then growing some more, untill the point of almost breaking - but ultimatelly simply wearing down and deflating like a baloon. This seemed to go on and on, with each tube almost breaking, in different points and with different intensity, but never quite getting there.

It didn’t take much for the realization to arrive at him like a tidal wave. He almost felt the intensity of a thought process on a phyisicall level. ”I remember! The chip works!” but with the memories came the depressing mood as he started to immgaine himself trapped in a circular tube, with no way out. He tried punching, and kicking, but the tube only streched out and than returned to its original position. Soon after, an ”upload current mind state” followed. He sat back for a while, tapping the desk with his fingers. His mind was completely carefree once again and open to anything. ”Is this what people performing meditation experience?” and as if to prove a point to himself, he focused on the breathing, inhaling and exhaling, even closing his eyes. And than he got distracted again, by thinking about all the different situations where he could test the possibilities his head implant offered him. ”No more need to escape the reality by running to games, alcohool, or drugs. I can simply clear away the distractions! And on that note, I really should study for the upcoming exams.” And this was the third time he uploaded the thoughts to the tablet in the last 5 minutes.

Having a clear goal - and head - he searched the folders on the machine to find the exam material, and each and every time a distraction came by, the thoughts were simply uploaded and he could go on with the work undisturbed. After 5 hours of uninterrupted studies which for Dren felt like achieving a new world record in study practices, he felt spectacularly well. In fact, this was the first time he studied seriously during the last few weeks. Even if there wasn’t a single day gone by without him feeling useless and incapable of doing anything, because in the 18 hours a day he spent awake, he couldn’t muster over 2 hours of dedicated studying. ”That wasn’t so bad! And I almost never used the upload feature! Well, a few times really. I could have done without.” raising once again the left hand at the eye level, there were 169 new notifications. ”WHAT?” he exclaimed out loud and the sound of the word was echoing for some time in the air and inside his head. Like a table ball hitting different surfaces and bouncing right back, only to be kicked away again. His brain was rejecting the idea: ”Something’s off, I can feel it. Maybe the notifications were counted multiple times? Maybe the system broke? Oh, what if the distractions I had were saved under multiple entries, because they were so complex?”

His mind was racing, searching for a reasonable excuse or explanation, whichever came first. Only after calming down a little did he remember to ”upload” once more. 170. ”So if I was studying for 300 minutes, this means that once about every 2 minutes my thoughts got carried away and I had to upload them! This must definitely be a glitch! I don’t remember-” as soon as the idea crossed his mind, he hastily made a few quick hand gestures, bringing the ”fuck you brain” folder up once again. Last file added was indeed labelled as ”thoughts_170”. He clenched a fist and successively opened it violently, feeling the pulse of the heartbeat rising. On-screen compared ”name of the files” and a long list of the names of all the files stored in the directory followed: vicious cycle, fear of being trapped, escaping reality, annoying studies, alternative career paths, annoying lectures, bad handwriting, movies to watch, vacation plans... and so on.

Dren was quickly scanning the list, recognizing some recurring thoughts that he had multiple times when boredom or anxiety took over. The most frequent was thinking of all the options he had if he failed the exam. They ranged from most simple ones, such as to study again and retry, up to more fantastical ones: go live as a hermit on an island. Upon re-examination Dren realized that there was nothing wrong with the software. The sad truth of the situation was that he simply got distracted too easily. But the situation was far more severe than a single boy’s inability to focus on the studying. In fact, distractions were recognized as a global disease even, with medics prescribing pills which shut out many brain processes. One pill before going to work and one for the night. However, putting the ethics of such doing aside, the remedy worked only for people who had a standard routine and jobs which didn’t require much fantastical thinking. In academia, this couldn’t work. ”How could I forget that I get distracted too easily? The whole internet keeps chatting about distractions. Even though, ironically, the internet IS the main source of distraction for many people. But now I can finally put this to the past, with this marvelous little piece of electronics in the back of my head. Now what other distractions is my life full of, that I could overcome now?”


... TO BE CONTINUED

So what do you think? Is it understandable enough? Interesting enough? I'll upload the continuation of the Novella in the upcoming days, as soon as I'll have time to write.