Well, since I've quit using Facebook, with my account being permanently deleted after February the 10th (although they will still retain my data, for another 2 years as it's stated in their terms of use), I decided that I'm going to (again) try to keep this blog updated on a daily basis. I think the most common type of post will be a list of 5, because I really like being concise, to the point and organized.
Of course trying to sum up everything on a given topic with 5 mere points can come across as simplifying too much. However, if you think about it, it's the same with the world we live in: the more you try to get to the building blocks of nature as we understand them today (particle physics, maybe string theory or something else in the future), the simpler and more trivial they are. What is quantum mechanics in its extreme if not the flip of a coin? One quantum state or another. As a side remark, this doesn't make it easy - Studying it from a mathematical perspective is both interesting to me and difficult (impossible?) to fully understand.
And if you turn the process around - from micro to macro, it all makes sense. Flipping six coins, where you sum only the heads (or only tails), will give you the equivalent of a 6-sided die roll. Take an infinite number of coins and you've got the randomness of the universe. Or, as it is suggested in Bioshock Infinite, take an extreme theoretical version of quantum mechanics and you've got an infinite number of universes at your hands. Will it be heads or tails? The bird or the cage?
Before I get too philosophical, I'd like to say that I've given precedence to this writing instead of the book, because I started reading "Be your own CBT Therapist" by Windy Dryden (google if interested, I'll speak more about it shortly). It was out of sheer curiosity I bought this book and I didn't think I'd really need it, as I've sorted everything out in my head. And then, the reality struck me as there is, in Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), a great difference between intellectual and emotive understanding. In practice, the difference between knowing what I want to do (I do know how I should live on a daily basis to enjoy the most out of every moment), and actually "feeling" that I know it, or rather, converting it into actions. I know I have OVER 9000 (8000 in manga) excuses I'm able to give myself and I need to challenge my understanding on a deeper level in order to go past them.
By analyzing situations in which I could've acted differently from a standpoint of rational behavior, I'll first deal with implementing everything I want to do in a single day and start living and acting in accordance to what's already stored somewhere in my brains. This is exactly the kind of book I needed in order to fully embrace my adulthood.
I still haven't posted the 4th and 5th chapter of the book, because I don't feel like they're ready to be posted online. And thanks to the beginning few chapters of Windy's book I've finally realized why, as the author puts it:"Thus, if a person is faced with a general dissatisfying life experience which cannot be compartmentalized and also wants to explore his writing ambitions, he should address the former first - unless this life dissatisfaction will help him write a better book!"
In my own words it would be: "I don't think that by feeling down I'll write properly. I need to get a hold of my emotions."
So yeah, my book likely won't be finished by March as I wanted to, although I'm fairly optimistic that I'll finish it by the end of 2016 (btw it's a wonderful year for people loving mathematics as the number 2016 has quite a few interesting properties). In the meantime, I'll write posts like this one, or a list of 5 things as mentioned in the beginning, or the most striking thought of a day and I'll always prepare it a day in advance. If you, my dear reader, have any suggestions as to what I could be writing about, I'd gladly accept them. Same goes for criticism of what I write and suggestions on what to change, you can write any of these things in the comments section below (or write me an email or something).
In essence: I can write short posts without problems, because they can be unrelated, while I want to write a book that's deeply intertwined. And for that, I need focus and therefore I need to analyze myself thoroughly with the help of the aforementioned book "Be your own CBT Therapist". An alternative to this would be finding the right girl to share my life story with. In that case I'm pretty confident she'd help me solve my issues, as I would help her solve hers and finally my burning love wouldn't go wasted, or turned into a self-deprecating emotion.
Since, however, I have no idea when (and even if) I'll meet such a companion and I'm currently working a 40-hour workweek, it's hard to find the time to do a whole lot, and therefore my first priority is self-improvement. In the meantime I'll keep my writing skills sharpened with these posts. I hope you enjoy reading these as much as I do writing them! Cheers!
-Tomo Umer
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